Privateering, Now!

The Schooner Lynx off the shores of Oceanside Harbor, California — Source: ZUMA Press

Zohran Mamdani says we need to create government owned grocery stores. Well, we think we need to privatize the Navy.

Sorry guys, you’ve done a great job, we love the work… but we’ll be taking it from here.

We hereby call upon the Federal Government to issue Letters of Marque against any known or unknown foreign vessel perceived to be involved in the trafficking of substances, illicit cash, weapons, or human lives, within the Western Hemisphere. We also urge the conditional approval of blockades and embargos against other nations of the Americas whose governments have participated in, profited from, facilitated, or protected such vehement acts.

It is well within existing historical, and legal precedent — the power to enact Letters of Marque being granted in Article I, Section 8, Clause 11 of the U.S. Constitution — to sanction privateer vessels to operate in international waters against legitimate national security threats. In the late 19th Century reminiscent global politics of our current time, we believe it would not only be fashionable, but prudent to enable a well staffed, state of the art privateer fleet to operate bearing the flag of the United States, not only in our immediate region, but as well against piracy worldwide. 

Please Donald, you can even put your name on it and adorn these magnificent ships in gold accoutrements.